Post the First

Well, young lady, have you been good to your mother? 

Please do not be alarmed if you are not a young lady, for this question is one of several questions taught in the old days of V.F.D., and it means something along the lines of "I have a message for you." The correct response is, "The question is, has she been good to me?" I only hope that this information falls into the right hands, although of course, the enemy was also trained at the Headquarters of V.F.D. 

I have a message for you. It is about the woeful life of Lemony Snicket, Baudelaire Biographer. My time at V.F.D. was after that of Lemony Snicket. When I was a neophyte, Lemony Snicket was already undercover as a reporter, a theatre critic, in The Daily Punctilio. But he was already legendary. Mr. Snicket is not the sort of role model good for a young girl, but my parents were not at Headquarters, for I was one of the last to be kidnapped just before the Schism. 


Rumors about Lemony Snicket have abounded as I went off on my own adventures, and though I always wondered which rumors were true, I had no way of knowing. Many long nights I have spent, alone and in the company of my associates, discussing V.F.D., everything that noble organization embodies. Far removed from the Baudelaire orphans at the time of their miserable youth, I was unhelpful to their cause, but when at intervals I heard miscellaneous tidbits of information, I always wished for more. How thankful and anxious I was when I heard that Mr. Snicket would at last reveal every detail he had gathered in his research! 


I have spent my time primarily gathering clues about the Baudelaires included in the books, but not said outright, and although I knew Lemony Snicket slipped in events in his life, I never considered the possibility of constructing a biography of Lemony Snicket, based on his own admissions in his books. After "The Unauthorized Autobiography," of course, every volunteer was disappointed, or incredibly confused, and I hope to set the facts straight, to the best of my ability. 


So now I give to you my findings. At first they will be quotations here and there, but then I hope to complete some sort of narrative including the three siblings, Kit, Jacques, and Lemony Snicket, the love story of Lemony Snicket and Beatrice, and Lemony Snicket's faithful determination to survive any hardship to accomplish the feat of fifteen books.  

The World is Quiet Here.