Post the Second

I had some trouble deciding what to call my story of the life of Lemony Snicket. I first thought I would call it "The Life and Adventures of Lemony Snicket," but then I realized that Mr. Snicket had already included a list of names for his theoretical biography. He included it in "The Unauthorized Autobiography," and is copied below:

LEMONY SNICKET:

Baudelaire Biographer

LEMONY SNICKET:

A Coward and a Gentleman

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Truth Behind the Man

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Man Behind the Truth

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Man Behind the Hedges

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Truth Behind the Lies

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Truth Behind the Lies Behind the Truth

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Truth Behind the Lies Behind the Truth 

Behind the Man Behind the Hedges

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

 The Truth Behind the Story Behind the Organization

Behind a Great Deal of Trouble

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Truth Behind the Man Behind the

Story Behind the Orphans

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man Who Has Never 

Burned Anything Down

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man Who Has Never Burned 

Anything Down, Despite What You May Have Heard

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man Who Suspects Others of Having 

Burned Things Down, Even Though He Himself Did Not

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man Who Wishes Things 

Had Turned Out Differently 

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man Who Needs Your Help

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man Who Needs Your Help, Please

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man, a Woman, and an Organization

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man, a Woman, and Several Matches

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of a Man, a Woman, and Another Man

LEMONY SNICKET:

 The Story of Three People, Two of Whom Are Male

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of Three Initials, All of Which Are Secret

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of Three Initials, All of Which are Consonants

 

LEMONY SNICKET:

The Story of Three Siblings,

At Least One of Whom is Dead

 

DO YOU SMELL SMOKE?

The Story of Lemony Snicket

 

LEMONY SNICKET: 

A Good Man in Bad Trouble, Not Vice Versa

 

 

At last, I decided on LEMONY SNICKET: The Truth Behind the Man for my biography of the fascinating coward and gentleman, Lemony Snicket.

^LEMONY SNICKET: The Unauthorized Autobiography (2002), by Lemony Snicket

 

 

Post the First

Well, young lady, have you been good to your mother? 

Please do not be alarmed if you are not a young lady, for this question is one of several questions taught in the old days of V.F.D., and it means something along the lines of "I have a message for you." The correct response is, "The question is, has she been good to me?" I only hope that this information falls into the right hands, although of course, the enemy was also trained at the Headquarters of V.F.D. 

I have a message for you. It is about the woeful life of Lemony Snicket, Baudelaire Biographer. My time at V.F.D. was after that of Lemony Snicket. When I was a neophyte, Lemony Snicket was already undercover as a reporter, a theatre critic, in The Daily Punctilio. But he was already legendary. Mr. Snicket is not the sort of role model good for a young girl, but my parents were not at Headquarters, for I was one of the last to be kidnapped just before the Schism. 


Rumors about Lemony Snicket have abounded as I went off on my own adventures, and though I always wondered which rumors were true, I had no way of knowing. Many long nights I have spent, alone and in the company of my associates, discussing V.F.D., everything that noble organization embodies. Far removed from the Baudelaire orphans at the time of their miserable youth, I was unhelpful to their cause, but when at intervals I heard miscellaneous tidbits of information, I always wished for more. How thankful and anxious I was when I heard that Mr. Snicket would at last reveal every detail he had gathered in his research! 


I have spent my time primarily gathering clues about the Baudelaires included in the books, but not said outright, and although I knew Lemony Snicket slipped in events in his life, I never considered the possibility of constructing a biography of Lemony Snicket, based on his own admissions in his books. After "The Unauthorized Autobiography," of course, every volunteer was disappointed, or incredibly confused, and I hope to set the facts straight, to the best of my ability. 


So now I give to you my findings. At first they will be quotations here and there, but then I hope to complete some sort of narrative including the three siblings, Kit, Jacques, and Lemony Snicket, the love story of Lemony Snicket and Beatrice, and Lemony Snicket's faithful determination to survive any hardship to accomplish the feat of fifteen books.  

The World is Quiet Here.